Everyone should visit rock bottom at least once in their adult life. I highly recommend the trip. There is nothing like coming within a hair of losing everything, including your life, and then having the gift of starting over.
My rock bottom with alcohol happened in 2013, after an 18 year binge. Once I “got sober”, as alcoholics like to call it, my life became infinitely better and the promises of sobriety as defined in The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous came true to me. The gifts of sobriety have made every moment of staying sober worth it. But, my emotional rock bottom didn’t happen until the last 12 months. The term “emotional sobriety” means that you are doing the work that it takes to not need to drink, use, etc.
Being able to regulate emotions is a ton of work. It requires having the courage to face your fears, your flaws, your cringeworthy mistakes and own them all. I have realized that drinking just one way I acted out to escape my feelings. Other addictions have been food, shopping and work. Yet beyond even those addictions, the biggest addiction has been my addictions to finding and feeling love. This addiction has chased me since I was 9 years old. It resulted in me eventually trading my hopes and dreams for a last place prize of simply saying “I must not be alone because I have this person.”
The purpose of this blog is to dive into what caused me to seek attachments to others and what I have discovered about being me. It is in a sense a letter to myself, from the Spirit that resides in me.
Dear Me 